I’m going to talk about menopause, so all you men out there can go: “Eeeeuw!” and run away, or maybe you can stay and learn a thing or two about what your wife or partner is experiencing, or may experience.
Prior to menopause I can’t say I was a perfect, happy-go-lucky person, but I was tough, resilient, enjoyed life, had no qualms about trying new things, could eat, drink, dance until the wee hours, was a good mother and managed my home and family well. I exercised daily, and laughed a lot.
Then peri-menopause hit…well, it didn’t really ‘hit’ as much as it ‘snuck up’… I began to notice I was feeling lethargic – apathetic. Nothing really excited me, and I found myself totally unenthusiastic. I went to a doctor who decided I must be agoraphobic and gave me antidepressants. One pill later and I was a total basket case. I had my first panic attack. It was that pill that sent my ‘apathy’ over the edge.
Who says panic attacks only affect mentally disturbed people? This first panic attack, since I had no idea what it was, sent me into a tail spin – foetal position in bed for nearly two weeks. I was lucky to have a friend who was also a counsellor for women. We began having sessions and she suggested I read a book called: “Complete Self Help For your Nerves” by Dr. Claire Weekes. That book saved my life then, and continues to do so during this unbelievably difficult transition.
Peri menopause and menopause can create such a that. It’s like a horrible tunnel of terrors. You burn with hot flashes, then you shiver with cold flashes. You can be in the middle of baking a cake and suddenly a wave of panic will flood you and you’ll descend into a fiery pit of fear. You have no idea what you’re afraid of, but your adrenals are telling you to run or to be very afraid. Along with this, you’ll have muscle spasms – tension that comes like a squeezing fist, making it feel as though your neck, shoulders, jaws, head and face are being stretched beyond endurance. Your ears begin to ring. This is frightening in itself, since you automatically assume you’re going deaf. Some days you’ll have heart palpitations (erratic heart rhythms) that lead to anxiety over heart problems. Some days you’ll have headaches – and some headaches last for weeks or longer. Exaggerated fears are rife. You will wake up mornings thinking you’ve got a brain tumor – or a heart condition. When you’re at your worst, you may believe you’re truly losing it – and end up at the ER. Inevitably you’ll be sent home with nothing truly resolved, other than reassurance you’re not physically dying.
In between all this, when the anxiety, tension and/or temperature fluctuations have decided to take a few days off, you may descend into depression. Again, for no apparent reason. Depression is like a dark pit where you’re looking out at the world, instead of actually being part of the world. You feel isolated and alone…and very, very confused. Doctors will want to put you on anti-depressants, but, if you’re like me and they make things worse, you persevere by finding support. You’ll read lots of books on menopause. You’ll refuse to listen to so-called medical experts who tell you menopause doesn’t cause mood fluctuations or all the symptoms you’re having. Proof of this is a visit to the Power Surge website (http://www.power-surge.com) Literally thousands of women post on the message boards there and describe an enormous variety of like-symptoms as they journey through this tunnel of terrors – and they receive many messages of support from others who truly understand.
If any of you are wondering if your symptoms might be due to menopause, here is a list of the 34 signs of menopause: http://www.power-surge.com/educate/34symptoms.htm. Keep in mind that many menopausal women will not experience all of these symptoms, but many will experience most of these and more. I developed Burning Mouth Syndrome and it took me some months of anguish to find a specialist in Melbourne who knew what it was and knew how to treat it.
I would like to add that am disgusted and appalled at the medical profession in general for being so blasé about the suffering of so many women. I feel it’s a sign that they just don’t know what to do, so they ignore it. Some say if it’s not life-threatening, then it’s not worth researching. I believe that the significant removal of at least ten years of a woman’s life is more than worthy of research and assistance. One of the most helpful things for a menopausal woman is validation – knowing that what she is experiencing is real and not ‘something in her head.’
I want to end this blog with encouragement for those who are suffering with menopause or peri menopause as I am. I want you to know that this DOES end. That one day you’ll feel better and you’ll see the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Ask a woman in her 70s and she will probably not even remember her menopausal symptoms.
Here are some books I’ve found helpful during my menopausal journey:
1. Complete Self-Help for your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes
2. The Seven Sacred Rites of Menopause by Kristi Meisenbach Boylan
3. You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay
4. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
5. From Panic To Power by Lucinda Bassett
I’m sure there are many more some of you could include. Please add comments to this post if you’ve had difficult menopausal symptoms and have found relief. Or if you just want some support. And be sure to visit Power Surge – I guarantee it will help you feel less alone.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Lost Smiles
Lost Smiles by Maureen McMahon
When do children stop being children? When do we put away our sandcastles, skipping ropes and giggles? When exactly do we change from ‘being’ a child to having an ‘inner’ child?
I remember lying in long grass, the sun warm on brown limbs, the coolness of the earth against my back, my older brother next to me as we watched in awed amazement as the cotton ball clouds changed ever so slowly into a myriad of new shapes – a dog, a bird, a ship, a fat lady…Giggling over the fat lady who became fatter and fatter, then seemed to twist herself into first a cupcake, then an elephant.
And when we got tired of watching clouds, when our energy surged, we’d be off, running full-tilt through the fields in anticipation of our next adventure, perhaps to make boats out of walnut shells, sticks and leaves to race down the trickling stream in the forest behind our house, perhaps in search of crayfish and frogs or perhaps to climb the old mulberry tree so we could look out over the beauty of our world.
There were afternoons in the summer sun gorging on wild dewberries or strawberries. Watching storm clouds gather, sensing the electricity in the air, awed by the approaching flash and rumble - waiting just that little bit longer before dashing for the security of home as the rains broke. Raking leaves in the autumn so we could leap into a huge pile and lie cradled in the brittle crispness, nostrils filled with the acrid, pungent smell. In winter, lumbering as fast as we could through knee-deep snow to the pond next door, ice-skates clutched firmly.
And when we were called to come in for dinner, we’d moan and plead, “Just a few more minutes?”
My daughter is twenty-one. When she was young, her laugh made us laugh, her smile made us smile, her giggle filled us with joy. Now she doesn’t laugh or smile very often. And her giggles are no more. I see her struggling under the heavy demands of university, work, personal demands and relationships. It saddens me to know that the child she once was is no more. She’s now an adult with all the attendant responsibilities and worries.
When does it happen? When do we “put away childish things?” And more importantly, why do we put them away?
When was the last time you built a sand castle? When was the last time you lay on the ground and watched the clouds? When was the last time you fell into pristine, sparkling snow to make an angel? When was the last time you giggled? When was the last time you woke in the morning anticipating all the fun the long day would hold?
When was the last time you looked into the mirror and smiled?
When do children stop being children? When do we put away our sandcastles, skipping ropes and giggles? When exactly do we change from ‘being’ a child to having an ‘inner’ child?
I remember lying in long grass, the sun warm on brown limbs, the coolness of the earth against my back, my older brother next to me as we watched in awed amazement as the cotton ball clouds changed ever so slowly into a myriad of new shapes – a dog, a bird, a ship, a fat lady…Giggling over the fat lady who became fatter and fatter, then seemed to twist herself into first a cupcake, then an elephant.
And when we got tired of watching clouds, when our energy surged, we’d be off, running full-tilt through the fields in anticipation of our next adventure, perhaps to make boats out of walnut shells, sticks and leaves to race down the trickling stream in the forest behind our house, perhaps in search of crayfish and frogs or perhaps to climb the old mulberry tree so we could look out over the beauty of our world.
There were afternoons in the summer sun gorging on wild dewberries or strawberries. Watching storm clouds gather, sensing the electricity in the air, awed by the approaching flash and rumble - waiting just that little bit longer before dashing for the security of home as the rains broke. Raking leaves in the autumn so we could leap into a huge pile and lie cradled in the brittle crispness, nostrils filled with the acrid, pungent smell. In winter, lumbering as fast as we could through knee-deep snow to the pond next door, ice-skates clutched firmly.
And when we were called to come in for dinner, we’d moan and plead, “Just a few more minutes?”
My daughter is twenty-one. When she was young, her laugh made us laugh, her smile made us smile, her giggle filled us with joy. Now she doesn’t laugh or smile very often. And her giggles are no more. I see her struggling under the heavy demands of university, work, personal demands and relationships. It saddens me to know that the child she once was is no more. She’s now an adult with all the attendant responsibilities and worries.
When does it happen? When do we “put away childish things?” And more importantly, why do we put them away?
When was the last time you built a sand castle? When was the last time you lay on the ground and watched the clouds? When was the last time you fell into pristine, sparkling snow to make an angel? When was the last time you giggled? When was the last time you woke in the morning anticipating all the fun the long day would hold?
When was the last time you looked into the mirror and smiled?
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Four times trouble
It seems that things come in multiples when they're bad. Feeling ill...like I had a flu...so went to the dr. and he did blood tests. Turns out my thyroid hormones are off the chart. My pulse was up to 150 bpm. So now am on meds to keep the pulse down and the BP down, but it doesn't work all that well because I still get terribly out of breath just doing the least little thing.
I always thought it would be wonderful to have a hyperactive thyroid! I thought: "Wow! What an easy way to lose weight!" Well, just my luck, I caught it early so I didn't lose a pound and am still fat but with a rotten thyroid. How annoying is that?
So the thyroid goes bad which causes my TMJ to act up. Great! So now I'm unable to do much but sit and endure the horrible aching in my jaw, neck and shoulders. What did I do to deserve this?
Then my daughter and her first-ever love, both 20, broke up. She's totally devastated - crying all the time..can't eat...can't sleep....I can tell her over and over that things will get better - that she'll have a life again, but what good does that do now when her heart is broken into tiny pieces and she sees only black emptiness ahead?
As if that wasn't enough, my cousin called to tell me my aunt died yesterday. It was a shock. The funeral is in 3 days. Her death is bad enough, but the thought that I might not be able to attend the funeral due to my STUPID thyroid makes it even more upsetting. Will the rest of the family understand? Probably not. It seems when you have something wrong with you, everyone will tell you that it's 'nothing' and that they were able to scale Mt. Everest while suffering from bubonic plague.
Sometimes it's so hard to find something to look forward to each day. I want to be able to exercise again...to go fishing...to travel - but something always seems to happen to prevent any of it from happening.
But, I'll take one day at a time and try to believe that things will get better. It's all I can do for now.
I always thought it would be wonderful to have a hyperactive thyroid! I thought: "Wow! What an easy way to lose weight!" Well, just my luck, I caught it early so I didn't lose a pound and am still fat but with a rotten thyroid. How annoying is that?
So the thyroid goes bad which causes my TMJ to act up. Great! So now I'm unable to do much but sit and endure the horrible aching in my jaw, neck and shoulders. What did I do to deserve this?
Then my daughter and her first-ever love, both 20, broke up. She's totally devastated - crying all the time..can't eat...can't sleep....I can tell her over and over that things will get better - that she'll have a life again, but what good does that do now when her heart is broken into tiny pieces and she sees only black emptiness ahead?
As if that wasn't enough, my cousin called to tell me my aunt died yesterday. It was a shock. The funeral is in 3 days. Her death is bad enough, but the thought that I might not be able to attend the funeral due to my STUPID thyroid makes it even more upsetting. Will the rest of the family understand? Probably not. It seems when you have something wrong with you, everyone will tell you that it's 'nothing' and that they were able to scale Mt. Everest while suffering from bubonic plague.
Sometimes it's so hard to find something to look forward to each day. I want to be able to exercise again...to go fishing...to travel - but something always seems to happen to prevent any of it from happening.
But, I'll take one day at a time and try to believe that things will get better. It's all I can do for now.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
A Bright Winter Day
It was sunny today. Certainly not warm, but sunny. Winters in Victoria are very different than winters in Michigan. The gum trees keep their bluey-green leaves throughout, and the grass and weeds grow lusher, probably due to the increase in rainfall.
In summer, the lawn can become a dustbowl very quickly once the hot northerlies start to blow. In winter, however, the wind most often comes from the south. There is no land between the Antarctic and southern Australia, so these winds are frigid - the air pristine.
I remember in Michigan how the snow would insulate, keeping warmth in the house simply by amassing on the roof and piling drifts against the walls. Here there is no such insulation. Despite the less than freezing temperatures, it sometimes feels much colder.
Here central heating is not the norm. We have a Coonara - a wood-burning enclosed fireplace. It heats some of the rooms, but we rarely get heat down the hall to the end bedrooms. Thus it's imperative that we have feather 'doonas' (quilts) and electric blankets.
Speaking of electric blankets, in Australia we put them UNDER us, not on top, as in the U.S. Who's to say what's best? I suppose that heat rises so maybe having them under is better?
Anyway, today was lovely despite the chill wind. The maples and oaks in our yard still hold an array of orange and yellow leaves. With the rosellas pecking around beneath, the world seemed full of color and light.
They're predicting rain for next week and lower temperatures, so I suspect soon we'll have to dig in until Spring.
Sadly, though, the Richmond Tigers lost tonight. If we keep it up, we may not make it to the finals again this year.
In summer, the lawn can become a dustbowl very quickly once the hot northerlies start to blow. In winter, however, the wind most often comes from the south. There is no land between the Antarctic and southern Australia, so these winds are frigid - the air pristine.
I remember in Michigan how the snow would insulate, keeping warmth in the house simply by amassing on the roof and piling drifts against the walls. Here there is no such insulation. Despite the less than freezing temperatures, it sometimes feels much colder.
Here central heating is not the norm. We have a Coonara - a wood-burning enclosed fireplace. It heats some of the rooms, but we rarely get heat down the hall to the end bedrooms. Thus it's imperative that we have feather 'doonas' (quilts) and electric blankets.
Speaking of electric blankets, in Australia we put them UNDER us, not on top, as in the U.S. Who's to say what's best? I suppose that heat rises so maybe having them under is better?
Anyway, today was lovely despite the chill wind. The maples and oaks in our yard still hold an array of orange and yellow leaves. With the rosellas pecking around beneath, the world seemed full of color and light.
They're predicting rain for next week and lower temperatures, so I suspect soon we'll have to dig in until Spring.
Sadly, though, the Richmond Tigers lost tonight. If we keep it up, we may not make it to the finals again this year.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Getting older
What is it about getting older? I don't feel any different in my brain than I did when I was in my 20s, but my stupid body keeps finding ways to torment me. Menopause has not been kind. I developed BMS (burning mouth syndrome) last year, and after trying to find someone who cared or could help for nearly 8 months, finally came across a lovely dental professional/doctor in Melbourne who prescribed clonazepam in small doses.
Okay, so that's under control. Now I'm painting my bedroom and trying somehow to keep my body from totally succumbing to the slow, incidious increase of fat by walking and using weights. First my upper back goes into spasm, then when that's under control, my knee decides it doesn't like to carry around my bulk up and down hills anymore.
Diets! HAHAHA! You name them, I've tried them. I've lost heaps over the years, but always end up putting it back on...plus some.
So now I'm not so young anymore and seeing the weight as not so much a cosmetic problem as a health one. Do I starve myself once again for 2 years, and risk the stress that naturally accompanies it? Or do I try to cut out little things and feel I'm getting nowhere?
Well, today I'll simply try not to succumb to comfort eating. That's one step, I suppose. But will I succeed? Sometimes I remember the pain of truly bad health and am simply thankful to not feel that anymore. Other times I find things to worry about - weight, age, children, animals...
I've always been told I'm a deep thinker. I used to be proud of this in my youth. Now I think that maybe it's not such a good thing. What is it about getting older?
Okay, so that's under control. Now I'm painting my bedroom and trying somehow to keep my body from totally succumbing to the slow, incidious increase of fat by walking and using weights. First my upper back goes into spasm, then when that's under control, my knee decides it doesn't like to carry around my bulk up and down hills anymore.
Diets! HAHAHA! You name them, I've tried them. I've lost heaps over the years, but always end up putting it back on...plus some.
So now I'm not so young anymore and seeing the weight as not so much a cosmetic problem as a health one. Do I starve myself once again for 2 years, and risk the stress that naturally accompanies it? Or do I try to cut out little things and feel I'm getting nowhere?
Well, today I'll simply try not to succumb to comfort eating. That's one step, I suppose. But will I succeed? Sometimes I remember the pain of truly bad health and am simply thankful to not feel that anymore. Other times I find things to worry about - weight, age, children, animals...
I've always been told I'm a deep thinker. I used to be proud of this in my youth. Now I think that maybe it's not such a good thing. What is it about getting older?
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