Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Four times trouble

It seems that things come in multiples when they're bad. Feeling ill...like I had a flu...so went to the dr. and he did blood tests. Turns out my thyroid hormones are off the chart. My pulse was up to 150 bpm. So now am on meds to keep the pulse down and the BP down, but it doesn't work all that well because I still get terribly out of breath just doing the least little thing.

I always thought it would be wonderful to have a hyperactive thyroid! I thought: "Wow! What an easy way to lose weight!" Well, just my luck, I caught it early so I didn't lose a pound and am still fat but with a rotten thyroid. How annoying is that?

So the thyroid goes bad which causes my TMJ to act up. Great! So now I'm unable to do much but sit and endure the horrible aching in my jaw, neck and shoulders. What did I do to deserve this?

Then my daughter and her first-ever love, both 20, broke up. She's totally devastated - crying all the time..can't eat...can't sleep....I can tell her over and over that things will get better - that she'll have a life again, but what good does that do now when her heart is broken into tiny pieces and she sees only black emptiness ahead?

As if that wasn't enough, my cousin called to tell me my aunt died yesterday. It was a shock. The funeral is in 3 days. Her death is bad enough, but the thought that I might not be able to attend the funeral due to my STUPID thyroid makes it even more upsetting. Will the rest of the family understand? Probably not. It seems when you have something wrong with you, everyone will tell you that it's 'nothing' and that they were able to scale Mt. Everest while suffering from bubonic plague.

Sometimes it's so hard to find something to look forward to each day. I want to be able to exercise again...to go fishing...to travel - but something always seems to happen to prevent any of it from happening.

But, I'll take one day at a time and try to believe that things will get better. It's all I can do for now.

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